Hi everyone, I hope you’re all well and that you’re all safely social distancing and whatnot. Today I’m going to just waffle on a little bit about what lockdown’s been like for me, mainly because I’ve struggled a little bit here and there and writing always helps me to sort through my thoughts and feelings and what have you.
It’s turned into a funny old world in the first half of this year, hasn’t it? I keep feeling as if we’re all living in some kind of apocalyptic movie, and, I suppose in some respects, we sort of are. For once, as a race, we humans are all in a similar boat. Not the same boat mind you. Some of us are in beautiful strong and reliable luxury liners, while others are sailing about in the Titanic. But on the whole, on some level, we’re all trying to make our way on the same old sea of shit.
For me, it’s the homeschooling thing that I’m finding most difficult. My partner and I finally became legal guardians to my nephew last year. He’s 15 now, and it’s going really well. He started going to school every day and eating the right kinds of food – where before he had been doing neither. He’s improved massively all around which is great. The homeschooling though…
I don’t know how people do this all year round – kudos to those who home school their kids. My nephew will be heading right back to school as soon as it’s safe for him to do so because I am sure I’m eff-ing up his education. I’ve been wandering through life under the wholly mistaken impression that I’m relatively smart. If that is true, then the kids of today are all going to be geniuses. The schoolwork he has to do seems so difficult. He’s doing it though and he’s doing well, so for him, it’s no big deal but I wouldn’t be able to do it.
Then there’s Lockdown in general. That’s tough, isn’t it? It’s funny, because as a socially anxious agoraphobic guy, the moment the government said I wasn’t allowed to go out, I suddenly had this need to be outside and mixing other humans. I don’t think that feeling will stick when lockdown finally comes to an end, however. In fact, I can feel it waning a bit already. It’s been nice to actually want to leave my flat though, no matter how fleeting the urges have been.
And of course, there’s the fact that we’re all suddenly trapped at home with our significant others and our other loved ones. That’s strange, isn’t it?
I mean, I love my nephew and my partner to pieces, but they are suddenly there – everywhere – all the time. It’s been different. And don’t get me wrong, I know I sound as if I’m moaning a bit (because I am) but I can’t really complain. There are people all over the world who have to socially distance themselves from their families and friends, people who can’t see their parents or in some cases, even their children. That must be really difficult.
I have to socially distance myself from my siblings and my other nephew. As well as my wonderful nanna. It’s just strange.
The other thing that’s been a bit odd, is the fact that all of my appointments have been over the phone. I’ve struggled with various mental health issues over the years which I’ve written about in little bits and pieces here and there on this website, and two years ago, I was diagnosed with bulimia and anorexia. Now, all my counselling sessions and sessions with my nutritionist have to be done at a distance. It’s very, very odd.
When you’re speaking to someone face to face, you can get a sense of how they’re receiving you – you can see their body language and the reactions on their face to what you’re saying, but on the phone it’s different. For example, I have an eating plan in place and in one of my appointments, the counsellor asked if I’d been eating lunch (something I’d avoided for the last year but I recently promised to start) and I really have been trying, but I got the sense that she wasn’t buying it. Although, that could have just been something my subconscious interpreted all on its own. It does that sometimes, unfortunately.
I get to go on Tuesday to have my blood and weight checked for the first time in a little while, so that will be a bit of change to the monotony that has become the ‘new normal’.
All in all though, although I’m having my ups and downs, I am aware that there are people in the world struggling far worse than me, and I’ve been trying to keep that little nugget in mind as I ride out the UKs lockdown. Here’s hoping things are back to normal (or as close to it as we can get) soon.
Anyway, I think that’s just about enough outta me for now.
How has everyone else been handling the lockdown? are you even in lockdown where you are?
Until next time,